Women Beware!!!
| Most of you have read the
scare-mail about the person whose kidneys were
stolen while he was passed out-well read on.
While that was an "urban legend" this
one is not. It's happening everyday.... |
| My thighs were stolen
from me during the night of August 3rd a few
years ago. It was just that quick. |
 |
| I went to sleep in my
body and woke up with someone else's thighs. The
new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who
would have done such a cruel thing to legs that
had been wholly, if imperfectly, mine for years?
Whose thighs were these? What happened to mine? |
 |
| I spent the entire summer
looking for them. I searched, in vain, at pools
and beaches, anywhere I might find female limbs
exposed. I became obsessed. I had nightmares
filled with cellulite and flesh that turns to
bumps in the night. |
 |
| Finally, hurt and angry,
I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans
and Sheer Energy pantyhose. Then, just when my
guard was down, the thieves struck again. |
 |
| My buns were next. I knew
it was the same gang because they took pains to
match my new derriere (although badly attached at
least three inches lower than the original) to
the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. Now my
rear complimented my legs, lump for lump.
Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in
fashion. |
 |
It was 2 years ago when I
realized my arms had been switched. One morning
while fixing my hair, I watched, horrified but
fascinated, as the flesh of my upper arms swung
to & fro with the motion of the hairbrush.
This was really getting scary.
My body was being replaced, cleverly &
fiendishly, one section at a time. |
| Age? Age had nothing to
do with it. Age was supposed to creep up, noticed
& intangible, something like maturity. NO, I
was being attacked, repeatedly & without
warning. |
 |
During
one spring, my attention was riveted to upper
arms 
I studied them from
every angle, being careful not to raise mine in
public or flatten them too tightly against my
body. |
| In
private, I held them straight out & did
endless circles that would have tightened my real
arms but did nothing for these new
"Silly-Putty" caricatures. |
In the end, in deepening
despair, I gave up my T-shirts. What could they
do to me next?
 My
eyes began to remind people that they needed a
new pair of Hush Puppies. My poor neck
disappeared more quickly than the Thanksgiving
turkey it now reminded me of.
|
That's why I've decided
to tell my story; I can't take on the medical
profession by myself. Women of America, wake up
& smell the coffee! 
That
isn't really "plastic" those surgeons
are using. You know where they're getting those
replacement parts, don't you?
|
| The
next time you suspect someone has had a face
"lifted," look again! |
 |
Was
it lifted from you? Check out those tummy tucks
& buttocks raising.
Look familiar? Are those your eyelids
on that movie star? |
| I
think I finally may have found my thighs & I
hope Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for
them. |
 |
|
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